A few days ago I had a dream about being dead
and the first thing I remember is me thinking how glad I was, because
that’s what I always wanted, right?
However, I found myself walking around and looking for my family and friends to see how they were doing and a sudden urge to find my sister overcame me.
I found her drowning in sadness and I found myself being nothing more than a shadow, a ghost
unable to talk to her.
That’s when I hugged her, hugged her tight until it hurt, put my arms around her until she could feel it.
She didn’t recognize it at first but when she did she cried and it hurt even more.
I made a promise to myself that I would find her every day to hug her, to let her know I wasn’t quite gone but it also made me wonder why I was still here and yet gone. I was sure it wasn’t my purpose to still be here where I could be with everyone else but I was unable to go, to leave this life behind and suddenly it hit me.
This is what I wanted, right? I wanted nothing more than to die and now I wanted nothing more than to live as I began to fade from the lives of the others.
I was nothing more than a shadow and that was certainly something I didn’t want to be.
I regretted my wish to be dead because what kind of existence was I living in now? Stuck between two worlds, unable to get away from the pain of not being with the ones I love while they started to forget and ignore me, my comfort was no longer needed.
And that, by far, is what shook me up the most.
→ Where dark dreams are born #2