I could tell you that I’m a vegetarian,
but you don’t introduce yourself by saying that you eat meat.
I could tell you that I love women,
but you don’t introduce yourself by saying that you love men.
I could also tell you that I believe in god,
but your first words towards me would never be that you don’t.
Instead I tell you that I love the colour of the sky when the sun rises
and tell you that I get lost in books a lot.
I tell you that I think a lot and that I like to challenge others.
And you should tell me about your thoughts at 2 am
and what makes you smile when you are sad.
I could tell you a lot of things,
but most of them wouldn’t matter
and there’s nothing to discuss about them.
That’s why I’m telling you that I love to hug trees
instead of telling you
that my last meal didn’t contain meat.
Because some things
simply doesn’t matter.
I wouldn’t mind your company right now.
Because sometimes there is this hole
and it just won’t go away.
That’s why I need you
and your company.
To make this hole go away
and to stop the tears
from falling down
I don’t know who I can share my thoughts with.
All the things that are racing through my mind.
My darkest secrets and twisted stories.
Who I really am and how I really think.
What my past really means and why I’m afraid of the future.
I keep it bottled up inside.
Put it all neatly aside over the years.
A place I don’t want to visit too often
but my mind forces me to go there.
I need to talk about all this,
about the reason why I cry so much
and why I still stay strong.
But I can’t trust easily.
I don’t want to get hurt.
I need someone who understands how truly complicated all this is
someone who will stay by my side.
Someone who won’t judge my twisted thoughts
someone who will listen.
I want to get rid of it,
but instead it’s poisoning me further
day by day.
I don’t want to spend the night alone.
that tears will roll too fast
And I’ll be unable
to stop them.
of my own thoughts
and the demons
inside of my head.
All I want
is to curl up next to her
how she is watching me
and feel safe and sound.
that’s all I want.
Shuddering we think about this mysterious something
in our soul that acknowledges no human judgment,
and lets even the most innocent people dream of terrible things,
and insinuates them unspeakable thoughts.
→ Herman Melville (translated)
Mail Time - A dog in a box (and the daily thoughts he has on the ideas of his crazy mum)
“Seriously? Do you think this is fun? A dog in a box? There are a lot of funnier things out there - and you know that!
Would you please let me out again? I didn’t sign any papers for this.
Maybe my annoyed face helps. Look at me. This is annoying. Ok?
No? Does it help ignoring you? Oh god, what brought me into this situation? And this family!? This must be kind of a punishment of an earlier life.
So you think traveling around the flat & some toys make this better? Oh well, here we go. Do whatever you want to. I.don’t.care
Oh shit she was right. This is good.
Don’t look at me & laugh, ok?
No more paparazzi.
My home, my castle.
Now go away.”
These dirty little thoughts are creeping back into my head again.
They’re like echoes from the past.
Slowly they’re taking over my mind.
You were skinnier once.
And you know that.
But I need to eat.
his voice is too weak.
Do you remember the time when you could starve yourself for days?
I do remember.
It’s so painful.
I was strong.
I as weak at the same time.
Echoes of the past.
Ghosts of the present.
I’m still not over it.
I’m still struggling.
There will always be this tiny voice inside my head.
It’s enough now.
Relapse is hard enough.
The soul of a wolf,
barefoot walking through the woods.
The sky is dark,
the night has come.
The moon shines bright,
my heart it leaps.
Desire grows inside of me.
The smell of wilderness burns in my nose,
I follow the sound of rustling paces.
They were waiting for me.
The moon illuminated glade is a safe place.
My soul reigns now,
as I surrender to my instincts.
And I arrived.
Pictures tell stories,
and stories draw pictures in peoples mind.
This will be a small excursion about the meaning and my option about it.
Also why people say it’s hocus-pocus.
Well, at first let me say: I as a christian am pretty critical with stuff like that.
But a friend disabused me a little.
People say it’s all about clairvoyance in a magic way.
In reality it’s not.
There’s not such a thing as seeing someone else future.
When you’re reading the cards there’s only one ‘secret’: Your own subconscious.
So when you have a problem and someone reads the cards for you, he only tells you the meaning behind the cards and order.
You think about the problem and relate the meanings to it.
But what happens?You break out the thoughts of your subconscious.
The cards make you think of the things you haven’t seen so far.
That doesn’t mean that they weren’t there.
It was. You just didn’t see it.
That’s why the meanings are always fitting somehow.
Because your subconscious finds the right answers in your thoughts.
It just helps you to see what you haven’t seen before, because you were scared or blocked.
No magic. No hocus-pocus. Just your own mind.
But that doesn’t say that it doesn’t help.
Because you just busy yourself with your problems/thoughts/future.
And that’s what really convinced me, because I think this friend is pretty wise.
The only problem:
To find someone who is reading the cards with that opinion.
And now the only thing left over to say is:
I hope I made you think about it a little different.