When I was finally able to get some sleep this afternoon I had a really crazy dream and it was so realistic because it was partly based on real events.
I found myself at home with my mum after returning from my best friend (there was something going on with her but it was rather blurry) and my mum confronted me and asked “You two are together, aren’t you?” and I was so shocked by the way she asked this and said “No, we aren’t.” but she just went “Just admit that you are together.” in an expectant voice but I knew we weren’t together and grew more desperate and repeated “I told you we aren’t together.” but she would have none of it and just went on and I was so hurt because I knew in this moment that she knew I had feelings for her and it was just so overwhelming. When I repeatedly told her that we really weren’t together and I kept seeing this look on my mother’s face I grew desperate and yelled at her, in tears, “Would you be happy if I lied to you?” and she grew eerily quiet and said “Yes.” and I think that was the moment that just broke me. It was one simple question, yelled in despair, but ever since I woke up I can’t get it out of my head and I don’t know why.
Lately my dreams are more realistic again. I feel the touches, feel the emotions, am a more active part in the stories. I find myself screaming or crying silently or not so silently. Once I wake up they occupy my mind for the rest of the day. It’s almost crazy how much I get lost in them, really.
Last night I felt the hurt of the situation, felt her hand holding mine ever so gently, felt her sadness as if it were mine. And then it was like a deja-vu. I was strangely calm yet so very into this dream and I can never bring myself to wake up because it feels so real. It feels real enough to make me forget about the reality I’m living in and it draws me in. Dreams have always fascinated me, but those kinds of dreams are definitely something different and special.
Each of us has an instinct that there is a natural order to our journey. And Annie's violated that. She won't face it. She won't realize, accept, what she's done. And she will spend eternity playing that out.
You're still saying she's in Hell.
Everyone's Hell is different. It's not all fire and pain. The real Hell is your life gone wrong.