"

Every night I slip under the covers
with my eyelids heavy and my muscles strained
while my limbs sink into the mattress without finding relief
and every night I toss and turn because the storm raging inside of me
refuses to calm down and settle for a while.
Every morning I wake up
with my eyelids heavy and my muscles strained
they are aching
and my bones refuse to hold me up
while my body betrays me
and wants nothing more than to go back to sleep.
The blood in my veins has long been replaced by exhaustion and tiredness
and I have forgotten what it feels like to be awake years ago.
As I walk through the day,
my body tired and aching,
I feel nothing but pain and fatigue
and I’m a mess
because my body is tired,
so tired,
and there’s no relief, no escape,
there’s no life left in me
and I’m tired,
just so tired
because my soul carries a burden
it can’t bear any longer.

(Source: soul-wanderer)

"

Sometimes you will feel something dying inside of you
may it be the love for a person or the courage to do something
or even worse a dream
or the one thing you held onto all those years to keep yourself alive.
Suddenly the light will be gone from your eyes for a long time
and you forget what it is worth living for
and days, months or years later you will look back to that moment
only to find yourself wrapped up in sadness because of all the things that could have been
but never happened
because that day, all those years ago, something died inside of you
and you never got it back
and it made you a little more indifferent to everything
and that’s when you realize that you are tainted,
that you are made of nothing but those dead dreams and hopes
that drag you down with every step you take
because it’s in your veins, it’s in your cells,
it never quite left your body and mind.
Sometimes you feel something dying inside of you
and you know you should feel sad
but it only really hits you months or years later
when you ran out of chances and possibilities
and that’s when something will die inside of you
all over again.

(Source: soul-wanderer)

"

An empty page is a writer’s greatest fear
while a filled page is a writer’s greatest reward.

(Source: soul-wanderer)

"

I always return to running away whenever life gets too much or too complicated
because that’s something I know how to do.
Ever since I was 14 I would sneak out in the middle of the night and start running
to the darkest corners I knew I weren’t allowed to go to
not caring that my mother threatened to call the police or kick down doors.
I would run as far as my feet would take me, run until my lungs burned,
until the pain became unbearable and the world started spinning around me.
The further I was away from home the colder got my body,
I was freezing and my fingers would turn blue but I didn’t care
and just went on.
I would run until there were no tears or emotions left in me despite the pain
and wouldn’t come back until someone found me or I was close to collapsing.
Today I still run, I walk away from home silently, without a warning,
because old habits die hard, and some things will never change,
and because I need this burning pain after all.

Run

(Source: soul-wanderer)

"

And sometimes I wonder if I don’t allow myself to look back the grief will stop or if I simply bury all those feelings inside of me to the point where I’m broken beyond repair.

(Source: soul-wanderer)

"

I spill my feelings for you on paper
but it never seems to be enough
because my heart aches
as it longs for you
and there are no words
for what I feel for you,
every word seems not enough
and will never do justice to those feelings
so I’m left
rendered speechless
a storm raging in my heart
and I don’t care if it’s leaving behind
a path of destruction
because I need you to breathe
I need you,
I need you,
I need you.

(Source: soul-wanderer)

"

The word peace is dancing across your lips
while there’s a war raging in your heart
and that’s why I stopped believing you
a long time ago.

(Source: soul-wanderer)

"

Some nights my thoughts are all over the place
and I find myself unable to collect them again.
I’m left with nothing but words and fragments
and hope and despair
and when I crumble
I think about you
and when I fall
I think about you
and when I fall apart
because there’s nothing left of my sanity
I still think about you
because there’s nothing else I can do
and because you are light
you are hope
and when the storm passes
and a new day begins
I fall asleep
exhausted and in pieces
and I think about you
because you are hope,
you are peace.

(Source: soul-wanderer)

plays

A thousand years - The Piano Guys
"Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I’m afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow”

This song, and especially this cover, without a doubt makes me cry every time I listen to it. Never once have I thought about something negative when hearing it but sometimes it’s nevertheless quite sad because this melody, this text, is so full of promises and yet so full of things you will maybe never have. Listening to this I have to close my eyes, have to remind myself to breathe and have to keep my heart from bursting. I think this is undoubtedly one of the most beautiful compositions ever written and I don’t regret getting lost in it every time anew.

"

Every time I touch your soft skin I leave bruises
and as I trail along your features they become a map
marking where I have been, marking that you are mine
and every time my fingers reach out for you they burn you down
leaving you with marks burned into your soul, leaving it scarred, leaving it remembering me.
Every time I graze your ribcage your heart starts bleeding
and I watch in wonder as blood trickles onto your fairy skin without you making a sound
and I see tears trickling down your cheeks, slowly dropping onto your collarbones
because you are desperate to feel something and you need this
and you tumble into my arms, seeking comfort
and as every night I hold you tight while sobs are wrecking your fragile body
until there’s nothing left of you but pain and despair.
When it’s over a simple kiss breaks the spell even though my lips barely brush yours
and when you pull back your demons aren’t gone but you found a bit of peace in this chaos that is your life
and you finally fall asleep with your body tucked against mine knowing tomorrow night it will be the same
and I’ll be there to bruise you and pick you up again
to make you feel something when you stopped feeling anything
a long time ago.

(Source: soul-wanderer)

I just came to the conclusion that nobody on tumblr should ever become famous because we’re clearly not made to be social butterflies and attend public events on a regular base

(Source: soul-wanderer)

"

I want you to crawl under my sheets at night when sadness is consuming you
and I want to do the same when it’s consuming me.
I want to hold you tight when you are drowning in desperation with your body shaking
and I want you to do the same when I threaten to drown as well.
I want to whisper that there is no ‘us’, that our love can’t be
and I want you to understand even if your heart is broken and so is mine.
I want you to appear on my doorstep in the middle of the night with tears running down your cheeks
and I want to make love to you, bittersweet until you finally fall asleep.
I want to kiss you goodbye, slow and sweet, knowing this love can’t be
and I want you to walk away because that’s what I really need.

Impossible love

(Source: soul-wanderer)